I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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