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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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