I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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