i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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