Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
