So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
