Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
