Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
