I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
