He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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