There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
