Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
