So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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