Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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