I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
