while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
