It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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