good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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