is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
