Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
