textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
operation harelip BJ is a go
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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