do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He felt like a one man threesome
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
