I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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