Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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