You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
