Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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