I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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