Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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