dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
