Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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