I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i've created a new STD.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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