I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
