A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
