So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
