i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
