Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
