So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
