can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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