the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
3 2 1 whiskey
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
