Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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