Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
