i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
