I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Are we still banned from the library?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
