I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
