Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
