Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
