Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All the doctor said was why
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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