dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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