One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
