There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
